You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
