what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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