i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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