Your face is a jimmy john
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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