Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
