Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
