All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
