Where is the hickey?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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