I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
