i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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