I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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