I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
