he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he fucked my hip out of place.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
