yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
