She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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