We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
