I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
