Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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