so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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