He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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