I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
