Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
