I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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