you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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