i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
