You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
