i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
