yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
