we have officially lost it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
