i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
