I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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