I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
