I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
