I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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