i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
