It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
