my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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