I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My vagina just recognized that song.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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