That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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