I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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