So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
