Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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