drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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