just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
