Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
