the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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