hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
