Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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