I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
