i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I looked at my own cervix.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
