She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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