Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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