why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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