She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize