Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.