and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.