Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
