I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
