summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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