You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
