I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
