Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize