I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
